satuurday morning, eight thirty am, what am i doing awake? im so tired. last nite i went out with mo, ness and kait. we hung out at jacks with a bunch of people. got kindof boring because people ran off tho, we tried to play manhunt but as everyone says, "andrea ruined the game!" they were all following me when i was looking for the other team when they didnt have to, so the other team sneaked behind us and won. yeah, our team stunk. =D hah monica, FIFTAAY! ohh that was a good one.

came home around ten thirty, and threw on my jammies. tgif. tgis. yaay. thank god its the weekend. yesterday after school, i went to some games with chels, trina, and sarah. met a bunch of people theree. the softball team kicked ass and won against smc 20-1. haa. great job ladiees. sarah, chels and i went off for like an hour. our mission: buy slurpees. but we didnt have any money, so we walked a couple miles in the scorching hot weather [a whopping 75] to chels' dads and grab some cash. haha sarah, buttskin! that was a definite keeper. then we walked over to 7/11 and got our slurpees, yum i had blue raspberry =).

this week was wierd. wednesday was the best though, i had a track meet and i won a couple of my events; 200 and long jump. i'm so happy because usually i stink at the 200. yaay =) the girls won against mahoney and windham-- MAHONEY: 48.5, WINDHAM: 75.5, LINCOLN: 156 POINTS BABY. eat my dust. came home late that night, i was exhausted. next meet is on thursday at 3:30, v. bonney eagle and smc. dont know where yet though, i think it might be either at fitz or up at bonney eagle [buxton]. wooo i cant wait... but i dont think i'm gonna be on the relay again *tear*

lost without you baby; so alone without your touch. love you illions
haha my cherub. mikee <3 its been so long, i cant picture myself without you...
i dont want to picture myself without you holding me. so much love babe

i'm out.

6:06am, i just woke up. mum took daddio to the hospital for an early appointment. he might be having surgery this week... yikes. its arthritis. so i'm home alone, getting ready, then getting Jonah readyy for school. hopefully mum comes home before i have to leave so i can take the bus. when she gives me rides to school she drops me off to early and its cold out; no ones there yet.

stayed up late last nitee talking to my babe. didnt get to sleep till 10:30- and yeah thats late for me. i'm rall tired right now. will work for shoes is what ive got on at the moment. bleeeh... where does the time go. i hope todays a good day, its A day; i have all my classes but end it with FACS; a good class. then track till 4 i guess. i like having stuff to do after school, i dont like coming right home and doing homework. its boring... blaah.

on the ground, with my world, upside down ive got a vision of your face. and i must get me out, for so many memories we've yet to make. cause god dont send to me your angels, and i just wanna hear you say again-- you placed a finger on my heart love.
so much love <3

so i guess i'm off to get ready for school. mmm muffins i think, yummy.
ciao

sitting here listening to music. i dont know when i'm leaving... i think dinner. not sure though. you dont know how much you mean to me, whenevr youre down you know that you can lean on me. whatever the situation, i'm gonna hold you down. baby you dont have to change wooooooooo. so bored.

youre in my head babe and theres no way for me to let go now. see you in the morning and right away i'm thinking about the afternoon. i keep your picture beside my bed and i still cant forget all the things you said to me. ooh sweetheart you make it better. walking down the street with my grass skirt on and my pink lay, bummin in a truckers hat and shades that have their way of just telling you how i am. if only it was hawaii this would happen for suree.

what am i doing here.
<3

oh jeez. i havent written in this in such a long time. well here i am again, to tell you all whats up with mah lifeeness. its mothers day, and everyone thinks i'm still here in my room sleeping. yaay. i'm trying to avoid making breakfast because i lack the knowing of how. besides a bagel or cereal i'm pretty much useless in that department.

ive got mums card in my lap. i have to put some cute pictures of her and i when i was a youngun in it because i'm just crafty like that. after i printed out the card and the pictures i realized i no longer have any green yellow ink. everything just kindof came out blue... but i guess that makes the card unique? haa.

when you smile, with those eyes, baby its like you placed a finger on my heart. and your lips, next to mine, make me think that maybe heavens where you are. cause god dont send to me your angels, and i just wanna hear you say again-- forever love, say you love, digame digame. tell me so i can hold you in my soul, and if i go, i'll know.
love you baby <3

chelsea now lives near me. i'm a happy bean!!!! hokaii, i think i should stop stalling now and finish my moms card... i think shes getting crankkyy. much lovee.
mtrains a hottie

i was away today, somewhere else and i had nothing to do. so i wrote to you. there was lots of silence and everyone was working, i was the only one who could have the spare time to think about you; i wrote to you. i thought about so many things but they all trailed back to you. i think i know why-- you're everything. no matter what, if i think about something else it trails back to you, thats how i know <3.

came back around 2 o clock and i saw your face. something happened, its only happened once before. everything feels so perfect, more perfect than before. everything you said to me the night before meant so much. i'm not going to break down, freak out or make threats. all i do is go to you, all you do is tell me. all these things you've done; i thought about them today and i realized something; it; you; us.

either the moons were aligned or you wore a different cologne. something happened and i feel so different. i couldnt stop smiling, i was so happy; i still am. that visit we had- priceless. nothing can compare to you. i came home and i was still smiling, i had a huge ridiculous grin on my face. my mom asked if i was up to something. but i couldnt explain... i dont know what i would do without you.

everything, all the days, moments and kisses-- today was probably the happiest day i've had in a long time. you make everything priceless and cute. you make everything i do meaningful. i love you. but it still cant be put into words--

soo much.

you cant fight the tears that ain't comin, or the moment of truth in your lies, when everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know your alive. and i dont want the wolrd to see me, cause i dont think they may understand. when everything is made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am.

sitting here next to my guitar wonderin if you wonderin the same thing i am right now. i write a song and i wonder if you'll play along-- oh please wont you stay a little bit longer. the sky is gettin darker as we speak and im getting weak. wont you please stay a little longer? i need you here... my dear.

everythings a brighter when you say hello. all the life is bleeding through the edge of its thrown, and i tend to...

i wrote you that letter. you talked to me the day of confusion, i was confused myself. but i needed you, and you loved me. you're what i live for. i could write more, but it would be weird if i handed you a chapter book. <3

thanks for everything-- and loving me.

i love you mike_92503 and always till forever

you showed me how it feels- to feel the sky within my reach. and i always will remember all the strength you gave to me. your love made me make it through, oh i owe so much to you. cause you were right there for me. you were always just waiting, never asking silly questions or telling me to do. you just sat there with a goofy look on your face, but love in your heart. you sit there just looking at me. i think in my head and i have a problem. i need you, i go to you, and you fill my heart with hope that there will be better days. i love how you can just do that---

all i need is a little pushing. no one telling me what to do, just someone telling that it will be okay. dont tell me whats right and whats wrong. i'm doing this for me, you don't know what's up in my head. how do you know everything that i mean? i hope it never stops. i fade into your arms to breath and rest my head on your shoulder- i'm in heaven. i just tell you whats up and you tell me its alright. you tell me to try, and try again. you tell me you'll always be there, always running along side with me, doesnt matter if it rains- we got coats, doesnt matter what day it is- we dont have a schedule.

its almost that feeling that we had before- everyone waits for that person who's there to push them. but not to the limit because the limit is as far as you'll go till you blow. you'll blow everything if you go that far. even if its over something so little, its not their fault. its the thought- and its wrong. dont try to win the prize again.

maybe things will be a little bit better off like this. sometimes you seem invisible and its hard to see you. you push me away sometimes, i feel unneeded. sometimes you avoid the stain and dont want to wash it out. some days, you insist to pull me down, maybe not on purpose but it works. youre playing off my emotions and you try me so much. well baby youre too much for me sometimes. i dont want to deal with it, we're better off this way. i know you'll try to make it end up like last time, but i'll refuse despite how hard it is to keep the light shining when its dying. all the things you said are lovely and their running through my head. knowing you has opened my eyes, but they need to shut- for a while. theyre tired from staying up too late. your kiss still stains my lips, i refrain to wash it off. the thought of you still sticks to my mind, i stop myself from erasing it. i dont know if i will, i dont know how long it will take.

i could save you from your mistakes, but i need you to tell me first. you need to hold me tight and let me know if everything will alright this time- for real. i dont want another excuse for all those things that went wrong. you shouldnt be doing it anyways. you know you shouldnt but you tell yourself "she'll get over it"--well i'm not. you told me you wouldnt and you changed your mind because you let you inside too far.

you've made a fool of everyone-- it was late in september and ive seen you before. i was never that sure. i saw you standing there all by yourself and i was changed. ever since that day-- <3 i dont know anymore my love. just talk to me

it was late afternoon. the blossoms had died from the cold air and i saw you standing there. waiting for me, you smiled at me and made me feel warm inside even though i had no jacket on. my goose bumps went away and my cheeks were pink. you make me feel so beautiful-- dont make that feeling go away just because of your mistake. its hard to breath without you. you know you're better than that, i know you're better than that. so why cant you be better than that?

mm. everything is delirious. i'm doomed without you, nothing will ever be that same. i've given you chances and sometimes you showed me through, but that one time. you let me down. bring me back up again and promise me <3 i know you can lift yourself&me. its up to you now my love. --or i'll be bouncin off the walls again. you'll look like a fool again, wake up on the bathroom floor, put yourself back together then fall once again.

dont let it happen.

listening to music and chillin w. sarah and chelsea. went to the mall and got some cool ass thongs and a belt... with a ribbon. yeah ribbons are in now. blahh...

school- well where do i start? for the past couple days *teacher wise* thave been annoying. nagging and all that crap but its what they usually do. mrs freeman needs a life, and needs to find a way not to talk as much, her voice is starting to burn into my mind. she pauses way too much too.

during school mike was dismissed-- thursday. he had an attack, gah which really sucked. he's okay now. he missed his football game vs. sanford, they won anyways 30-0-- they're first win.very proud fan. back to mike, we're hangin out tomorrow, and i cant wait to see him, i've really missed him. i know he's okay. i spoke to him on the phone today, which was nice. i could tell he was having a sucky day, he didn't go to school because he was sick, and he couldn't go out tonight. he's on pretty much a lockdown like my parents would do to me  when they felt like i wasn't paying much attention to them. <<morons.

the past couple days i've been extrememly happy. i think i've just had a glow... and it feels better than i have been lately. i wore my pink pants on thursday whcih mad eit even better, but i'm starting to think pink isn't cool anymore. i mean, i'll still wear it... but i'm becoming more fond of green. ;D

well i'm off. to hang with the bums of poopy land. <333

in my heart forever.<3 mjc i love you

wow. the ace gang has totally gone to dumps. three of them inside the five of us formed a "band", and now it's all they talk about. they exclude me and the other chika and we're sick of it. i mean, we support them but they just don't talk to us anymore, or hang out. and frankly i don't give a damn. i'm happy. -- less stress now. whoo*

i've found my real friends, and i love them. mike & i are waaaahhh <333 i absolutly love him. everything is just so... perfect. all kinds of damn people are so friggin nosie. damnit. but hey, i deal- its what i do.

now i'm waiting patiently for my breakfast- donuts. leave a comment or two.

in love with you mike <3

wow all these stupid people just stay the fuck away. you're all so messed up in the head, why do you have to go and embarrass yoursleves like that? jesus christ, get a life, don't try to steal mine... god damnit.

other than that ^ life is pretty nice. my cousin in Iraq emailed me the other day, his friend died. gah, all this poop is going on at my school, dont they see what people are going through across the ocean? has anyone gotten their reality check yet?

oblah dee oblah daa laa laa laa laa, oh laa laa laa laa life goes on. and it goes on sweetly. i have a four day weekend coming up yo :cool: i have monday and tuesday off, thanks to mr. columbus and the teachers who need more $moolah$

i'm on the phone w. mike<3 then i'm off to bed. goodnight...

your death will be as cold and silent as a winters' night in maine. you'll die with my kiss on your lips and a memory of something that'll never be forgotten... adios amigo.

i smiled a lot today, it eased my pain. i find it funny that you're here again, in my life. but its a good thing, cause i like the way it is. everything is so wonderful when you're around i can't control myself. you make my life so much better for me, nothing wrong is goin' down, and i thank you for you love, soo much. i thank you for your love.

ahh... today was nice. school was easy, and we all went ghetto and had a 20 minute recess, not in the field, but in the front of the damn school... it was so messed up. we can't be out in the field because the gym classes go out there... god lincoln in poor and ghetto. we can't take our laptops home, and everyone else in Maine can, even Moore, we're probably not having any dances this year- Moore, every month; St. Joe's, every other friday. << bunch of shiiiet.

i'm on the phone with chelsea right now. blahh... ohh you walk in the door, i'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me. BECK is the man. *buzz buzz peaches buzz buzz*

everything is coming together now. all the peices, all the hugs and kisses. everything's feeling alright now. all your words and all the actions, all the things we do. oh i love you.

<3333 love you so much mike

lately things between us have been simply priceless. we talk about silly things on the phone, and random jokes, ahem like my snoop dawg one which rocks i might add. but anyways, i feelt i t even more than i did before and its absolutly wonderful. i loove you mike<3

everything else has been fun lately too. i've been going out a lot more, and spending lots of time w. friends- yes i do have friends. my parents have even let me get away with being on the phone later, like "passed betime" kind of thing :roll: *tee hee* this weekend was great, i hung out with Sarah<3, went to some football games and Acacia hooked up w. this great guy, it was so cute how they met... WEEZER!!!! :wink:

i got my new black electric guitar, and my HUGE amp, dude you could plug in 4 guitars into this thing, its frikken GiGaNtiC!! so now everyday when i caom home from school, i plug in, turn up the volume and start to play. wh00

well i have to go to school now. its getting close to 7:20am, and we dont want to be late for my only form of transoportation now do we?! ...the bus...gahh...

adios- absolutly love you mikey<3333

i am no super man, i have no answers for you, i am no hero, oh that's for sure but i do know one thing, its where you are is where i belong, and you know where you go, is where i wana be. are you lookin' for answers, to questions under the stars?

beautiful day out today. i learned how to balance on a skateboard and i feel so coordinated, haha but once i said that i fell back straight on my bum. ;P hehe i'm so graceful!!

tHANKgODiTSfRIDAY!!!!

today was a better day, much better than yesterday. sooo much better. i got a lot of work done and school wasn't so bad. detention felt more like a study hall though, so thanks to myself speaking out in class and earning myself a detentioni end up having no homework for tonight... pure genius right? wh00

happy day. today, i think, was the first day in a while where i didn't have to explain myself to anyone. i was on my schedule the whole time. i felt really good today. thanks<3

tonight>> football game, Portland vs. Deering Varsity @ Fitzpatricks', 7pm. don't know if i can go, much less have a ride, maybe someone will pick me up or something, but Jonah has open house tonight at 7:30, my rents might make it confusing and difficult and make me feel guilty, make me go and turn it into a family affair... morons. but hey i'll try aloufa!-i always do :wink :

tomorrow>> movies with the ace gang -hopefully...again. then a sleepover someones' house. chaa should be fun. haven't had a sleepover thing in a while with my ace gang, and i miss 'em. bowling might still be an option but we'll have to look into the currency issue.

thanks so much. i love you always<3 you make me feel like i'm my own person again.

hey again. its happened again, and i dont care about them. they can go suck leaches for all i care. its my life and its none of their buissness. gahhh. ace gang<3

i have an english paper due tomorrow... first draft anyways. ugh. i'm writing about my new place. yes my new place, finally. i'm so excited! its 6:32 this morning, and its kind of cold, maybe 55, but to hell with it because i'm wearing a skirt. mwahaha

well... i must go get ready now. i'm off to school, then detention until 3:20- blahhh.

thanks<3i love you.

yes well hello again. today wasn't very eventful for me. it had it had its ups and downs, the only thing i'm really happy about is geting a 100 on my science test... which never happens. school was kind of a drag, mrs lane was passing out detentions like candy to four year olds today, i was one of those four year olds. so now, for speaking out in class, which danny howe always does, i have a 50 minute detention on thursday...wh00.

i saw him today. phone last night<3 it was nice but i'm on a break. people were asking sooo many questions today, i was getting so sick of it. i tried to explain but it just couldn't happen, seems like no one wants to listen. which is fine. by the end of the day, i got another question. MYOB i said. felt good... but something i normally don't do. i think i'll have to get sed to it though. its not their life.

i feel alright. i could be better. so many people want to start it, but who will? i don't want them to to start anything anymore. i can handle it, do they know that? i feel like shutting myself out from anyone, but i know that might be wrong... would it? ughh...

i miss it. <3 but i need time...

i'm here once again, just with another name. ;D i havent written in a while, probably won't write much. but hey, you'll just have to live with what you hear.

last couple days have been rough. school's a pain in the ass, but socially, people have been ticking me off. not everyone though, i've got my AceGang, so its all good. i lost a great relationship today due to some other fresh fruit- which really sucks.

i'm happy, but its a happy sad. it needed to happen soon, but i just couldn't do it, until today. i'm so sick of having to please that whore. i am once again free. its something i haven't felt in a while. i think i needed it. it feels real good.

thank you mike. you were a sweetheart.